Joe: Are you ready for the ultimate chat topic?
Steve: Perhaps.
Though it will significantly slow my progress on these last two pages.
Joe: RoboCop was human inside and robot outside. Terminator was human outside and robot inside. Who wins?
Steve: I know, dude!
I’ve been saying that forever!
Personally, I’ve got to give it to RoboCop because he’s got a human brain.
So he can learn to love and shit.
Then again, Terminator can run, which was always a fatal flaw in RoboCop’s design.
Joe: True, but RoboCop has humanity on his side and Terminator is just a killing machine.
Steve: Yeah. RoboCop would be on John Connor’s side in the war
.Joe: Hey, did RoboCop have a heart?
Steve: I don’t know about the heart.
I don’t think so.
At least not in the physical sense.
But he was constantly learning how to love.
His partner/girlfriend, his wife from before he died, his son would randomly show up.
People like that.
Joe: Dude, in the first one they chopped him up and rebuilt him (which I think they did in the second one as well). So I think RoboCop is actually more durable than Terminator.
Steve: That’s true.
But there’s more than one Terminator. Does that play into it?
Also, Terminator always seemed better at self-repairing. If RoboCop was beyond the reach of the OCP scientists, he might be screwed.
Joe: We can only do one Terminator, unless RoboCop gets like fifty mentally retarded ED-209′s.
Steve: Oh yeah.
Joe: ED-209 might have been the best thing to come out of the 80′s that wasn’t RoboCop, Terminator or G.I. Joe.
Steve: Well, let’s skip the reenforcements for now.
RoboCop can punch harder, but Terminator can look scarier becuase he bleeds.
And since RoboCop has a human brain, intimidation might factor into it.
Didn’t Dark Horse already do this in a comic? Who won that?
Joe: I think they did, but I have no clue who won.
Steve: Let us consult the wikisource of all wikiknowledge.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RoboCop_versus_The_Terminator_(comic_book)
Oh, nevermind. Apparently it all takes place in cyberspace.
That’s stupid.
Joe: It’s not just stupid, it’s ridiculous. They wrote a comic book about something that happens in cyberspace?
What is this Lawnmower Man?
Steve: Who makes a RoboCop vs Terminator story where RoboCop doesn’t fight a Terminator?
I mean, WTF?
Joe: I’m putting my money on RoboCop.
But it’s really close and RoboCop probably dies right after Terminator from exhaustion.
Steve: Yeah, because RoboCop’s a good guy and Terminator’s a bad guy.
That bears a lot of weight.
And here’s the other thing:
Sarah Connor killed the first Terminator by crushing it in a hydraulic press.
RoboCop’s arms and legs ARE fucking hydraulic presses.
Joe: Yeah, Terminators are kinda fragile, in as much as cyborgs are hydraulic.
Steve: Truth.
Joe: Although, if we take into consideration the actors who played Terminator and RoboCop, it gets ugly quick for our boy.
Steve: We can’t take that into account.
And even if we did, let’s not forget…
Teminators all start off naked.
Joe: Yeah, but RoboCop starts off dead.
Steve: Oh, speaking of which, what’s the deal with this:
Terminator time travel rules say only living organisms can go.
That’s why Terminator had to be surrounded with living tissue.
Joe: Oh, just stop that.
Steve: So what about the liquid metal Terminator?
Joe: You’ve brought this up before, they have to reinvent the nonsense every movie.
Steve: I mean, did they just fucking forget?
And if so, why was he naked?
Joe: They’ll probably make up reverse time travel in the new Terminator movie.
Steve: That’d be cool.
Then we could find out why John’s a different actor in every movie.
Okay, I gotta go. We’ll continue this tomorrow.
Joe: k
The next day…
Steve: Boris Stonecrusher has worms.
Anyway, back to RoboCop
I’m pretty sure RoboCop is stronger than Terminator.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGva3yU8RZw
DUDE!
THAT VIDEO IS FREAKING AWESOME!
Holy cow.
Someone is an amazing editor.
And knows the Terminator and RoboCop movies like the back of his hand.
Hah.
4:00 minutes in is great.
And our prediction was correct.
Dude, talk to me when you’ve watched the video.
I think it’s my new favorite movie.
20 minutes later…
Joe: The punch at 2:33 is great.
Steve: Absolutely.
Joe: Not super psyched about Predator, but that was pretty good.
Predator’s a fag.
Steve: Hey Predator kicks ass!
You can’t call Predator a fag.
Joe: Dude, he just waited for them to beat each other up and then he threw a space grenade, that’s pretty gay.
Steve: If you’re saying he had a lame part in this video, ok.
Joe: That’s what I mean, if he had stayed to fight or something, I’d get it. Instead he just acted like a puss.
Steve: If you’re calling Predator a fag in general, we may have to take this outside.
Joe: No, no. Predator’s cool normally.
Steve: Oh ok.
Well then yeah I agree with you.
But I just took it as a cameo.
Joe: Yeah, but if you’re going to add a cameo (and I know you can’t do this) add Alien and have them both kill Alien, get splatted with acid, Terminator fights with half human half metal face, and RoboCop has that hole in his eye visor.
But to just throw Predator in for kicks is kinda lame.
Steve: Naw, Predator fits the type slightly better than alien.
Big muscley powerhouses, all.
Optimus Prime.
Now that would have been a good cameo.
Joe: Yeah, I just think you leave Terminator v RoboCop.
Steve: Yeah. I think the Predator thing was just a gimmick to create the big fiery mess he needed for the next set of clips.
Joe: I guess.
Looked very cool otherwise though.
If we make our movie, we should get that guy to make us look even more awesomerest
Steve: Well, this just inspires me to get back to my Rocky meets Rambo idea.
I mean, come on. Rocky and Rambo are obviously long-lost twin brothers.
Joe: Rambo’s the one who went off to join the army, Rocky stayed home to take care of mom before she died of “the cancer.”
Steve: Rambo being the one who was adopted by jerks and Rocky being the one who was raised by a loving family.
See, we know very little of their childhoods except that Rocky’s from Philly and Rambo’s from Arizona. We can do whatever we want with the rest of it.
Joe: That’s true.
I actually think Rambo has no real parents, a foster kid kinda.
That’s why he loves the Colonel and hates all false authority.
Steve: Well at the end of the most recent one he returns to Arizona to find out if his dad’s still alive.
The last shot is him walking towards a ranch house that says “Rambo” on the mailbox.
Joe: Dude, haven’t seen it.
Steve: So we can assume there was a daddy Rambo, but that they don’t have a great relationship.
That’s okay, that doesn’t ruin any of the real story.
But how have you not seen it?
If you haven’t seen Rambo by now, I refuse to be held accountable for that.
At some point you’ve got to take responsibility for your actions.
Joe: Dude, I have a wife who watches Dancing With the Stars and I work 70 hours a week.
Steve: Whatever. See Rambo.
You saw freaking Get Smart.
See Rambo.
Joe: I was trying to fit in with church people when I saw Get Smart.
Steve: And I was trying to fit in with church people when I watched Lost, but that doesn’t make it okay.
Oh and BTW.
I went to a seminar with some reps from Disney/ABC this weekend.
And they confirmed that ABC’s core target audience is 18-34 women.
So take that, everyone who says Lost and Grey’s Anatomy aren’t stupid chick shows!
Steve: Anyway, RoboCop wins.
