Steve: Alright Joe.
I’m gonna tell it like it is.
Joe: Ok.
Steve: I love Star Trek.
Even the worst parts of Star Trek, I love.
I love Star Trek V, which may be one of the worst movies ever made.
I love the episode of the original series when they were transporting space hippies and the first two seasons of TNG when they all wore skintight pajamas and tried to convince us Denise Crosby was the tough one.
I love Enterprise, even though it had totally screwy morals and the worst finale in sci-fi history.
I love Nemesis even though it demolished all of my favorite characters.
I love DS9 even though it only got good after Worf moved in and the last season fizzled out like a campfire in the rain.
I love J.J. Abrams’ remake even though I’ve been his sworn enemy for years.
But I HATE Star Trek: Voyager.
Screw that show.
I hate it so much.
I want it dead.
And that’s how it is.
Joe: Wow.
Very passionate.
Steve: Thank you.
Joe: Not sure I hate anything that much in the world of sci-fi.
Steve: I just happened to see the Futurama episode where he finds all the original cast except they’ve replaced Scotty with Welshie and Melllvar keeps zapping him.
Joe: WELSHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Steve: It made me realize how much I can love a franchise even though almost half of it is terrible.
And that reminded me that if you factor in Star Trek: Voyager, it becomes more than half.
Joe: Who was in charge of Voyager?
Was it like a random guy who was bored and the rest of the team felt bad for him?
Steve: Berman.
That was the first show that was conceived and developed completely after Roddenberry’s death.
Joe: Ah.
Bad direction then.
Steve: He died during the run of DS9, but he was at least around to help get it going.
And he was long dead when Enterprise happened, but they were actually trying to do something original there so it came out mostly good.
But nobody watched it because Voyager had already killed Star Trek.
Then the movies got worse and worse until they kicked Berman out and started over.
But for all of that, Voyager is the only thing I hate.
I think I blame Voyager for everything that came after.
Joe: Sorta like how the Christians view the Crusades, or the Spanish Inquisition.
Steve: …
…yes?
No, yeah. I see what youre saying.
Totally like that.
Like the Crusades or the 700 Club.
Joe: Oooo, the 700 Club is a much less violent example.
No less a travesty though, in my opinion.
Steve: Less violent, but almost as inconvenient.
But yeah. Star Trek is great.
And Voyager never happened.
Just like the Crusades.
Joe: I think Star Trek has a very high ceiling and a very low basement.
Steve: True.
Joe: I think all sci-fi has great potential, maybe Star Trek more so, but when it sucks, it just hits an amazing level of suckitude.
Steve: What carries me through most of the Star Trek suckage is that the shows were never about action or space battles.
It was always more like you were just hanging out with these swell characters on their swell space ship.
Joe: Dude, action movies dressed up in sci-fi suits piss me off.
Steve: So even when they do something stupid like The Final Frontier or Insurrection, you still just have fun hanging out with them.
Which, hey just realized, is probably why Voyager is the one I can’t forgive.
Because there never were any good characters or cool episodes to let me get on their side.
The whole series was bad from start to finish and none of the characters were even conceptually cool or fun to watch.
That can’t be said about any of the other four Star Trek crews.
Joe: Right.
Voyager wasn’t the one with the female captain was it?
Steve:Yeah, it was.
They made this big to do about having a female captain because the future is all full of equality, then we finally see her and she looks, sounds and acts exactly like a man.
Even in the future women have to behave like men to get anywhere?
What was even the point?
Joe: With 7 of 9?
Steve: Yes, 7 of 9 came on there eventually.
Joe: Dude, I saw a total of 5 episodes. Lamest thing I’ve ever seen.
LAMEST.
Really bad.
Steve: Yep.
And while 7 of 9 finally got them back to the classic Trek tradition of hot chicks in tight clothing, it was way too little way too late.
And it really turned out to be just a launching point for another round of horrible story arcs.
Joe: I’m actually mad at you for making me remember I wasted 5 episodes worth of my life that could have been spent sinning somehow (which I’m implying would have been less of a waste of time).
Steve: Yep.
