The Gauntlet Thrown…

Joe: This guy’s mad dogging you, Steve.

18 seconds later…

Steve: Hey!
A Cornish hen is just a small chicken.
I call retarded on that.
Should have gone with a goose instead.

2 minutes 14 seconds later…

Steve: You know, Joe.
Some pretty amazing things happened to me today.
This morning I realized for the first time in weeks that I’m actually caught up on my work.
Later the guy at the cell phone repair place called to tell me that the part he ordered for me had come in a day early.
Then proceeded to fix my phone in under an hour.
Also, I discovered that there’s a nearly invisible comic book store two blocks from my house that’s been there for two years without me ever having seen it before.
On top of that, I watched the Expendables.
Yet for the first time all day, this YouTube video has caused me to say out loud:
Holy fucking shit.

Joe: I know.
All I’m trying to say is that that guy thinks you’re garbage and your house is garbage and your home is garbage and you’re garbage and you have never even eaten meat.

Steve: Six months from now, when my heart explodes inside my chest as a direct result of this conversation, I’m sending you the hospital bill.

Joe: Ok.

Steve: Dammit.
I’m so mad at you right now.
I should buy the turkey this weekend while they’re cheap.

Joe: Look Steve. If you can’t make that dish, it’s okay.
Really, I won’t think any less of you.
God will, but I won’t.

Steve: I can probably get the pig over at Manhattan Meats.

Joe: Your sons all will, but I won’t.
hahaha.
This is fun.

Steve: Freaking Joe.
Alright, here’s what they did wrong.
They used a chicken and a Cornish game hen.
So essentially they used two chickens.
I’m nixing one of those chickens in favor of a goose.

Joe: Agreed.

Steve: I should probably also work venison and ground buffalo into the meat glue.
And while the Baconator garnishes were a nice touch, I’ll probably have to replace them with bacon-wrapped buffalo chili dogs.

Joe: Yeah.
That’s seriously at least a day of cooking and probably another day of prep.

Steve: When I make turducken it takes me 2-3 days.
So yeah.
That’s a lot of cooking.
Yeah, they don’t have enough meat variety.
With everything already being bacon-wrapped, that stuffing should not be bacon-based.
Perhaps some pulled brisket or pulled pork instead.
No.
I’ve got it.
Andouille.
That stuffing needs to be made with Andouille sausage.
And tasso.
You’re helping me pay for this, you know.

Joe: Ok.

Steve: Damn it.
My only regret is that I can’t do it for a couple months at least.

Joe: My only regret is that I have bonitis.

Steve: That Guy was the greatest businessman who ever lived.
Boo-yah.